What follows is the true story of the messages I received about Fermilab’s Muon g-2 experiment — before I knew it existed.

Christmas, Interrupted

In December 2020, I was confined to my apartment by Covid-19, a sense of responsibility to other people, and good common sense, when my parents decided that this year — for the first time in my life — we should probably not spend Christmas together.

We weren’t Christian, but our ancestors were, and I’d long loved the tradition of gathering annually, exchanging a gift or two, eating Grandma’s coffee cake in the morning, and maybe going to the movies in the afternoon. For us, Christmas was never about religion, and for most of my life, I was an atheist. Certain that the uncertainty of God proved its nonexistence.

Over time, my personal experiences — intuitive knowings, visions, and more that consistently delivered accurate information — opened my mind to the possibility that God was real, but like a good scientist, I have remained mostly agnostic. Unable to let myself be certain about something for which there is no measurable, scientific evidence.

Yet, on more than one occasion, I’ve seen and spoken directly to a presence that described itself to me as God. I’ve received direct messages about God, the existence of God, and our human relationship to God. Every time, I’ve let myself have my experience. I’ve observed whatever I observed, and while these experiences have often inspired my choices, they mostly live on inside me as a memory — just a memory — explainable by multiple possible theories. One of which, of course, is that it’s all true, and God is real.

I have primarily experienced God as a vast expanse of space — often like a black void that is capable of holding a bright golden light and everything we experience as matter and life. Based on these experiences, it often seems to me that God is either the totality of everything, including all the universal laws of nature, or God is a specific component of nature itself — a fundamental force or an aspect of being, something that permeates everything but is also identifiable within and apart from all things as something called God.

God, to me, seems to be both the container for existence, making it possibly something akin to the universe itself, and it’s whatever brings forth all the light and matter and energy. It’s whatever makes things form within the container, whatever takes the black void and fills it with light. And this thing — whatever it is — can communicate. The universe — or God within it, however separate or inextricable these things may be — seems to me to be somehow sentient.

These are all just ideas. Ideas born from experience and messages that for whatever reason, I am receiving.

Beyond the experiences I’ve had with something called God, I’ve had countless other psychic experiences related to more earthly affairs. These are maybe more easily proveable in the sense that if I dream about Tommy proposing to Linda and then the next day (without any prior communication on the subject) he tells me that he bought a ring to propose, the connection between the dream and the earthly circumstance is hard to ignore.

And after years of experiences like these, the existence of psychic phenomena is — for me — no longer up for debate. Even though psychic abilities have yet to be measured and proven by science, I am as certain of their existence as I am of anything in this world. My own life delivers almost daily proof, and I think that to deny my daily experience, year after year, would be akin to some sort of masochistic insanity. And so, I believe.

Maybe the idea of psychic experience is already too much of a leap for you to take, in which case — I get it. It’s hard to believe unless you’ve experienced it first hand, and I invite you to remain skeptical until life gives you a reason not to be. But I also ask that you simply keep reading this and let yourself get whatever you get out of it, staying open to what it all means and simply letting my story land where it lands — for you.

What follows is the true story of the messages I received about the results of the Muon g-2 experiment at Fermilab and specifically, what it means for scientific discovery and possibly someday proving the existence of God.

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The Big Picture

Having decided not to travel to Virginia to see my family, my husband and I enjoyed Christmas — just the two of us — in our apartment in New York City. He got me two gifts: a Celestron telescope and a new weekly planner for the year ahead.

The planner was perfect. I couldn’t have designed it better myself. It even featured some sections I wouldn’t have thought to add, including a square box labeled BIG PICTURE. This was separate from the box for listing the week’s projects, the box for making notes, and the boxes for writing down to-dos. There, on the upper lefthand corner of every page, was just this big empty box — hanging out, inviting me to fill it with the BIG PICTURE. I decided that I would fill that box every week by closing my eyes, calling on my intuition, and jotting down whatever image or words came to mind.

On the night of April 4, 2021, I was planning my week ahead and did just this: I closed my eyes and filled the box with the following words, exactly as I saw them in my mind: This is it!!!

And I added a parenthetical beneath —because this is what I heard after I saw the words: You will learn what this means.

Proof that this is what I wrote for the week of April 5-11, 2021.

Something’s Coming!

The next day, on the afternoon of Monday, April 5, 2021, I received an email in my inbox. It was a newsletter from someone I met years ago, and while I’ve occasionally read her messages over the years, I almost always delete them without opening, letting them land in the trash with the hundreds of other newsletters and advertisements that clog my inbox. But on the afternoon of April 5, 2021, the moment I saw her subject line, I knew I had to read it.

That’s because the subject line quoted lyrics to the song “Something’s Coming” from West Side Story, and for some reason, that specific song had been randomly popping into my head and catching my attention for months, particularly the lyrics:

Something's coming, something good
I don't know what it is
But it’s gonna be great

And on the afternoon of April 5, 2021, the email arrived with the subject line: “Something’s coming, something good!”

So I opened it, and inside, I saw the words: “Keep your peepers open for a big announcement this Wednesday!” And when I read this, I just knew — intuitively — that it was a message from the universe or God or something, alerting me to a big announcement coming on Wednesday. Not the one she was referencing and planning to make, but something else. Something that the song had been alerting me to for months. I marked my calendar for that Wednesday, April 7, 2021: “Big Announcement 🚀✨”

The messages on April 5, 2021.

It’s close!

That night, I slept terribly. I woke at approximately 3:40 AM on the morning of April 6, 2021. I woke to words flooding my mind, information moving through me about science and spirit and how the divide between them isn’t nearly as wide as we think and how it’s maybe nonexistent and how scientists have never been so close to figuring it out. I heard clearly: They’re on the verge of a breakthrough.

Typically, whenever I wake in the early morning to some sort of message, I’m able to just make a note of whatever it is and fall back asleep, but that night/morning, I couldn’t. After two hours of tossing and turning, I gave up on ever falling back asleep and turned on the TV. Somewhere in the library of content on our Amazon Fire Stick, I happened to see an image for a documentary about the theory of everything.

This immediately reminded me of the message about science and spirit, and while I’d heard of the theory of everything before, I didn’t really know what it was. So, I googled “theory of everything” and read all about the formal incompatibilities between general relativity (GR) and quantum mechanics (QM) and how science has long sought a theory that will unify and explain everything.

Currently, GR explains large-scale nature, and QM explains small-scale nature. GR explains gravity, and QM explains the other three fundamental forces. And while GR and QM have proven incredibly reliable and practical within their individual fields of use, they break down for events at the extremely small scale — such as those seen in the early stages of forming the universe and within a black hole.

(Interestingly, the current descriptions of black holes and the early stages of the universe— the black void, the fiery inferno, the plasma of light now known as the cosmic microwave background — all happen to be the descriptions of nature that most align with my experiences of what I call God.)

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Later, after a much-needed nap, I found myself looking at the pens I’ve used for years but haven’t purchased in just as long. I was almost down to my last one, so I looked closely at the words written in gold along the clip at the top. I entered them into Amazon — Pilot G-2 07 — and added a new package of pens to my cart.

☆

This is it!

The next day, on the The afternoon of Wednesday, April 7, 2021, I was sitting outside, checking my email, when I saw an email that had arrived thirty-seven minutes earlier. It was from the same woman who had sent the email on Monday. She was now sharing her big announcement, and when I saw this second email of hers, my jaw-dropped because the subject line read: “This is it!”

I immediately remembered what I had seen and written in the BIG PICTURE box of my planner for this very week, just a few days earlier: This is it!!!

The email on April 7, 2021.

I opened the email and read her announcement. I learned that she was making a movie, which I thought was cool but also, not particularly pertinent. This wasn’t the big announcement I’d felt was coming. To be fair, I never thought it was coming from her. Rather, her emails felt like signs from the universe, helping to focus my attention on whatever BIG ANNOUNCEMENT was en route.

I finished reading her email and returned to my inbox, and there it was — the big announcement — sitting in my inbox just above her email. It had arrived just one minute earlier while I was reading her message, and its sender was National Geographic.

Its subject line read: “SCIENCE: Something is acting funny in the universe.”

The next email on April 7, 2021.

The Big Announcement

On Wednesday, April 7, 2021 — the same day I’d marked on my calendar — scientists at Fermilab in Illinois made a big announcement.

They shared the results from the Muon g-2 experiment in which they shot muons (a fundamental particle) through an intense magnetic field, and the results were groundbreaking.

You see, when the scientists sent the beam of muons through the intense magnetic field, the muons did not respond the way they were expected to based on the Standard Model of quantum mechanics, and the way the muons behaved suggests that the Standard Model is not accurate.

Perhaps there is a not yet discovered fundamental particle or perhaps there’s a fundamental force of nature yet to be discovered (beyond the four that GR and QM currently cover). The results announced on April 7, 2021, have the potential to rewrite the known laws of physics in the future and resolve the discrepancy between GR and QM. These results could lead to research that helps reveal a functional theory of everything.

Because what is now known is that there is something that is shaping the world — something that the muon is sensitive to — that is not accounted for in the current model.

What is this invisible thing, shaping the world?

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This announcement was BIG — power to rewrite the known laws of nature big — and while I imagine that it was emotional in its own way for every science lover out there, for me…it was intense.

I had to take slow, deep breaths to keep from hyperventilating because as I was reading the announcement, I felt the full power of the messages that led me here, and I felt the force of AWE — because who would have guessed? All of these seemingly random emails and songs and intuitive messages were pointing me again and again to THIS.

It may seem strange to anyone that I would have picked up on any of these things as being messages, but I did. I knew because they were given to me, because this is how my brain works, this is how I work, and whatever it is that produces this communication for me knows how to speak to me. We’ve learned how to communicate, and I was flooded with gratitude.

As I was reading the big announcement, I felt the weight of its significance. Because it must be important, it must be significant — I thought, I think — in order for me to so clearly have been guided to know on Monday that a big announcement was coming on Wednesday, to have been guided on Tuesday to the theory of everything, and to have been shown on Wednesday that THIS IS IT.

I was told the Sunday before that I would learn what “This is it!!!” meant, and I did. I learned.

On April 7th, Dr. Polly of Fermilab “pointed to a graph displaying white space where the findings deviated from the theoretical prediction. We can say with fairly high confidence, there must be something contributing to this white space, he said. What monsters might be lurking there?” He asked.

And I started to cry — overwhelmed by clarity and another message. That’s no monster. And I knew: That is God.

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What is God?

What is God? Does God exist? If so, could we ever possibly — with the tools of science — prove God’s existence?

I’d like to think so. I’ve heard the message whispered in my ear: Prove the existence of God. Help with the science.

So I’m here, telling my story, and longing to explore that white space because I think maybe, just maybe, that gap — the gap is God.

And in the weeks and months that followed, I stopped hearing the song “Something’s Coming” playing in my head because it already came. It arrived. It is here.